Content Warning: Discussion of suicide and suicidal ideation.

In this episode of Mormon Stories, Gustavo Hernandez from Mexico City shares his experience growing up Mormon in Mexico, discovering difficult church history as a teenager, and ultimately choosing to remain an active, believing member of the Church while navigating doubt, anxiety, and faith crises.

Gustavo opens up about the shame culture surrounding worthiness, pornography confessions, and perfectionism in Mormonism –including how teachings from leaders like Spencer W. Kimball deeply affected his mental health as a young teen. He discusses experiencing panic attacks, existential dread, and suicidal thoughts while trying to reconcile faith, church history, and his desire to feel accepted by God.

Along the way, Gustavo encountered the CES Letter, Mormon Stories, exMormon Reddit, temple controversies, Joseph Smith’s polygamy, the priesthood ban, Freemasonry, and multiple First Vision accounts. Despite everything, he chose to stay active in the Church, serve a mission in Guatemala, and eventually became an institute teacher in Mexico.

The interview includes topics like what it’s like being Mormon in Mexico, growing up in a predominantly Catholic culture, p*rnography shame and bishop interviews, faith crisis as a fourteen year old boy, the CES Letter and apologetics, mission burnout, mental health and suicidal ideation, remaining active after losing certainly, as well as current beliefs about Joseph Smith, the Book of Mormon, polygamy, and LGBTQ issues. Whether you agree with Gustavo’s conclusions or not, his story offers an honest and nuanced look at faith, doubt, mental health, and what it means to stay.