Sarah Newcomb

Introduction and Tsimshian Heritage

[00:00:30] Ama Ganglaks. Tiksnis Newsom. Good morning to everyone. My name is Sarah Newcomb. I'm Tsimshian of the First Nations. I am of the Eagle Clan. The Tsimshian people are from British Columbia, Canada. And there was a small group that in 1887, broke off and moved down into southeastern Alaska in the Aleutian Chain Islands. And they established a community there called Metlakahtla, Alaska. It is a Native American Indian reservation.

[00:01:02] I'm so excited to be here today and share a little bit about my journey that I haven't had an opportunity to talk about before. And so excited to see all the faces here. This is amazing. When I was first asked to speak, I immediately said yes, because I love.

[00:01:18] I loved the positive vibe of what Thrive was doing. When I found out how many people were going to be here, I quickly regretted my decision. But when I walked in and I started talking to people and meeting people, it just all changed. I just saw all these people that had gone through similar things and similar struggles and are just here to find support and love and celebrate.

[00:01:48] So three years ago, my life took a little bit of a different path. I'd been struggling for years researching and trying to find answers and was determined to find answers, which I did. They were just very unexpected answers.

[00:02:02] And my spiritual beliefs changed. My life took a different path, and I found that I had to move really slow, which is unlike me. I tend to charge ahead. I charge ahead with everything. I'll make a decision and just do it and see what happens. I don't like overthinking things. And the process of leaving the only life I'd ever known, I found I just moved very, very slowly.

[00:02:34] I didn't feel lost. I didn't feel lonely. I just felt immense stress and anxiety. I was kind of in mourning. It was like I was mourning changed relationships. I was in mourning for the only life I'd ever known. I was mourning also a Lamanite identity that I'd been raised with. I was raised with that being my ancestry. And as I processed that, I started mourning the Tsimshian ancestry that had been appropriated.

[00:03:09] In addition, I was also moving really slow because I had friends and family that I loved so dearly, and I wanted to protect them from the pain I was experiencing. So it was like I was mourning alone because I couldn't lean on the people I normally would. And I also was protecting them because I wanted them above anything else, to feel loved. I wanted them to feel respected. I wanted them to know that even Though I was going down a different path, that the way I felt about supporting them hadn't changed. I was so concerned that they would feel like my change had to be pushed onto them.

[00:03:46] I also hoped that they would treat me with the same kindness in return. And so I was moving slowly. But the point is, I was still moving in the early stages of my awakening, where I felt really off balance. I felt all that stress, all that anxiety, everything. Having so many changes at once was intense.

[00:04:11] I decided, you know, I'm already stressed. Why not add to that? And I started the Lamanite Truth blog, and I started researching and writing about my experience. And also just I had looked everywhere for information that would help me process what I'd gone through, and I couldn't find much.

[00:04:31] So I was like, you know, maybe I could help validate the experiences that are similar to mine. And so I started the blog, and I hadn't anticipated or expected how emotionally draining and, at times, triggering that would be. So I had to move slowly with that, too.

[00:04:59] Every time I posted something, not just all the research that I carried with me and the trauma I'd read about, but every time I posted, the first thing I thought about was, how is this going to affect real families?

[00:05:13] Not just people like me who had stepped away, but how will this affect real families that want to stay? And so, yeah, just more and more stress after months of carrying those weight, that weight of all the change that I was still processing, changing relationships, mourning.

[00:05:37] My husband had left with me, but we processed differently. And I didn't have the people I usually talked a lot with in my life, and he was super supportive. But just all those changes and all the stress and then the blog and all the stress, I realized that those stress levels couldn't be maintained. So I started trying ways of, like, balancing. You know, I tried everything. I tried meditation at one point, which meditation's great if you don't have small children.

[00:06:11] So I closed the door. You know, I'm like. I had, like, some relaxing music, and I'm like, really trying to figure out how to do this. And of course, you know, eventually I have four little children around me. I think my youngest was two, and my oldest was eight. And they were like, oh, we'll do it with you, Mommy. I was like, all right, maybe this will still work.

[00:06:30] I was a little delusional. I think this will still work. So I'm teaching them all to meditate with me. And of course, that ends up in giggles and laughter and funny breathing. Interestingly, one of my Kids really took to it, and she still. Every now and then I'll see her, and she's somewhere meditating and just relaxing. So there was a benefit, but for me, I was like, okay, I can't do anything in the house without being interrupted. How do I balance? So I joined a gym, and that didn't work out because whenever I decide to do something, I go all out.

[00:07:08] And so instead of relaxing, it was just, like, more things that I had to accomplish because that's how I am. And so I was like, all right, this isn't working. I tried music for a while. I loved to sing. And so every now and then, I'd be like, it's concert time, kids. And they knew exactly what they meant. They'd sigh, roll their eyes, because it meant Mommy was going to sing like crazy all over the house and put a concert on for them.

[00:07:35] So nothing was really completely working. And part of my journey, I had. I loved my skin tone. I loved the way I looked. But there was some things I experienced with the Lamanite identity that had impacted me. I talk about it on one of the podcast interviews I did. And so I was like, you know what? I'm going to get outside. I'm going to start running. And I ran cross country and track in high school, and I ran very sporadically through the years. So I was 38, 39 at the time. When I started running again, and I couldn't stop. I just. I couldn't stop. By the end of two weeks, I was running three miles a day.

Running as a Path to Healing and Identity

[00:08:19] And there would be days I'd wake up and I'd be like, I'm not going today. Like, my body was sore. It was done. A few hours later, there I'd be. I'd be running again. And every now and then, I would just.

[00:08:32] With things that would happen, or conversations that I just want to protect, you know, my family or lift other people up or stories that I'd hear, it would just kind of weigh on me. And so some days I would just run until I couldn't run anymore, which was very healing, very freeing in a way. It helped me process. But then I couldn't turn around and run back home. So I'd be like, calling my husband, you gotta come get me. Because I ran six miles. I'm not running back.

[00:09:03] And so I learned really soon, okay, only run as far. This is a good tip for running. Only run as far as you're willing to run back. But it was like, the rhythm, the breathing, not being at home. There was no to do list. There was nothing I can't recommend running enough. I realize a lot of you are probably like, yeah, no, that's not going to happen. But for me, that, you know, we're all different, we all find balance in different ways. And for me, that was it.

[00:09:29] And on a bonus, I was burning so many calories that I felt zero guilt for the candy I was eating after every run. I was like, yeah, this is. It's a wash, right? But I also. As I started healing and the further I got along in my healing process, I found that I wanted to run as long as I could in life. Like, there's. I wish I could remember her name. There's this galaxy that's in her late 90s that is still running. And I'm like, that's what I want to do. Which, not. That's not going to happen if I run daily. So I was like, all right, I need to start taking care of my body.

[00:10:05] But I was still eating chocolate daily. So, hey, girls got to cope, right? I can't explain what happens with finding a way for myself to meditate, for myself to, like, process all those emotions. Think about what I wanted to do. Think. Think about the direction I wanted to take my writing.

[00:10:27] Think about how I wanted to raise my kids. Think about how I wanted to express love. Thinking about how the sun felt on my skin every day was amazing. And not worrying about the things I used to worry about over many months, I began to feel a shift inside of me.

[00:10:46] Instead of thinking about the ancestral appropriation I had survived, I started thinking about how I had never lost my true ancestry. I started thinking about how my values, who I truly was, was always the same person. It was just that I needed to wake up. I needed to see what was always there. We have these different influences in our life and different experiences, Whether it's jobs, religion, family, friends. Things move all around us. But there's parts of us that are just always there. Nothing can change it.

[00:11:28] And I just had to see it. And so during those runs when I realized, I started feeling this shift from not feeling all the pain that had been caused, but looking back and actually seeing those moments that could help me heal memories that I had that weren't twisted.

[00:11:48] And I know in our. In our lives, our history, our past, they have both good and bad, and they both impact who we are now and who we're going to be in the future. And I just. I made this decision to accept and let go of the things that were harder for me in my past and to really look purposefully for those moments in my past that helped me heal as I moved forward. And so some of those memories that I held onto there was this one where I was really little, and I always wanted to sit next to my mom in the church pews, and I would be holding her hand, and she always had her nails amazingly done.

[00:12:34] And she had beautiful jewelry on, and she had these beautiful long fingers. She still does. And I would think about how beautiful her hands were, and I'd be tracing her fingers, playing with her jewelry. And I don't know why she was so patient. I did it so many Sundays. I don't know how many. I would just play with her hands.

[00:12:53] And it wasn't the jewelry that made her hands look beautiful. It wasn't her nails being done. It was her hands that made everything else beautiful to me and how beautiful her dark skin tone was. And I held on to that moment. I was like, I always loved her hands. And I started. Other memories that I had were going home to Alaska. During the summers, I would visit, and I would see my grandmother's face, my aunts and uncles, my cousins, and think about how, like, I was just struck by how beautiful they all were. And I would watch them when we'd go berry picking. I'd watch them when we had crab bakes, I would watch them.

Returning Home and Reconnecting with Culture

[00:13:32] One of my favorite things is when they would. We'd go down to the beach, and we'd go swimming in the ocean, which is cold, even if it's in the summer. And just listening to them scream and laugh, their laughter was the most beautiful sound I'd ever heard. And I was like, there are things in me that nothing could take away. My identity was always there. I just had to open my eyes. I had to reclaim it. I was waking up twice. I was lucky enough to have an opportunity to stay longer.

[00:14:05] Being the youngest in my family, I'm the youngest of four. And at the end of the summers, they would, you know, want mom to stay longer, she'd want to stay longer. And so I got to stay into the school year and attend school on the reservation. Two different times.

[00:14:22] The reason this was different than the summers and why it meant so much to me is during the summers, it is gorgeous in Alaska. And you spend every moment outside that you can because of how long the winter would be. And we would be hiking, we'd be everywhere. But during the. During the winter, the fall and winter months, when it was colder, there was. You know, the kids didn't get kicked outside. It was too Cold. So we were all inside all the time. And when people bothered to come visit, they were going to stay a while because if they're going to make their way over to your house through the weather, through the cold rain, it was going to be a bit.

[00:15:01] And so I had the opportunity to watch how people interacted with my grandmother. She has so many people that would gravitate towards her. She's passed on now. And even after she passed on, there are members of the community that are not blood relatives that asked to be buried near her because she had such an impact on the people in the community.

[00:15:24] And so I was holding onto these memories and looking at how my grandmother treated people, especially children. It didn't matter who came over. The first people she would kind of talk to and acknowledge, the second they ran up to her was the children. And she treated them with such respect and such acceptance that just kind of stuck with me. I'd watch all my cousins, like, crowd around her, and of course, not one to be left out, you know, I'd be watching and I'd be like, oh, I'm going to miss out, so shove my way in. But she was just so beautiful and accepting. Another thing that she taught was family's family, no matter what.

[00:16:08] We all have different paths. We all had different. Everybody kind of went different religious paths too. And she said, it doesn't matter. We're always family. It doesn't matter what our beliefs or if we make mistakes. And there, you know, there's something beautiful about that, just that acceptance.

[00:16:30] And so between processing all the things that I had lost and finding myself looking back and finding all the things that I hadn't lost, it took me to a different place. This summer, I had the opportunity to bring my children home to Alaska for the first time.

[00:16:51] It was the most healing experience I'd ever had. I couldn't have done it without a secret donor that called me up a few years ago. And said that he wanted to send me and all my children and my husband home to Alaska so we could reconnect.

[00:17:21] This is probably like the 18th or 19th time I've cried over it. I kept a tally for a while. I was like, oh, my gosh, I'm crying again. How do you accept a gift that large? But seeing my family in Alaska respect and embrace my children the way they did, seeing them claim them, Was the most healing and beautiful experience that I'd had. All because of somebody that was in our ex Mormon community.

[00:17:57] And it just meant the world to me because of these experiences. And this process of healing. I found myself in 2018 asking a question over and over in my mind. I kept thinking, what would this world look like if above all else, every decision we made, every action, everything that we did was measured by how it honored children?

Honoring Children and Their Right to Self-Determination

[00:18:26] What would this world look like if we truly honored children and we protected their right to self determination? As I was processing that question that I just couldn't let go of and I was thinking about my grandmother's teachings of acceptance, I started finding myself accepting everything, accepting whatever path that people took that I wanted to honor self determination in everyone.

[00:18:58] Some of that was because of. During my work and my study for the blog, I started reading more about the religious history that Native Americans have gone through. And in 1978, Native Americans didn't have religious freedom until 1978. That was my lifetime. I was 1 years old.

[00:19:25] And that made me think about how I didn't live my mother's life. I have no idea what she went through. I hadn't lived my grandmother's life. My aunts, my uncles, my cousins, we all have different experiences as children and we all do the best that we can. And so where we have all these differences, where I once saw things that kind of divided us, I didn't see that anymore. All of a sudden all I could see was all the things that bring us together. I saw human history and I saw this like survival and how it doesn't matter where, where children are being affected.

[00:20:10] I would be affected by stories in different countries where children were being impacted. And I couldn't stop thinking about how it doesn't matter where we live. We all want to kind of protect children. And so I kept coming back to that and also honoring self determination with generations that had once been children and had experienced things that I would never understand.

[00:20:40] In some ways, my awakening continues. I don't think it'll ever stop. I wish it would. You know, there's a point where you just want to, hey, I just want to chill, hang out for a while. But we just keep learning more and growing.

[00:20:55] We have different paths, different experiences, and they don't all need to be the same. Perhaps the best way that we can all move forward, perhaps one of the best things that we could do that honors not just my ancestors, but all of our ancestors. The best way to honor all of us, to honor ourselves is to honor all of our children. Thank you.

Transcript © 2026 John P. Dehlin. All rights reserved. Brief quotations are welcome with attribution and a link to mormonstories.org; all other use requires written permission.